Who Are You Again?

It takes a lot for me to truly trust a person.  Other than my husband, I can’t think of anyone that I trust 100% with everything, which is something I’m perfectly okay with.  As far as my friends and family go, I’m satisfied if I can trust them with 75% of myself.  Even if I’m dealing with someone who only gets a small piece of me, I take that trust seriously and I’ll admit I’m probably too sensitive if that trust is broken somehow.  Mainly, I don’t appreciate being lied to about things that are so stupid and so insignificant that there is no point whatsoever in lying about them at all.

It was brought to my attention recently that an acquaintance (I’m going to call her Helga, as that is an ugly name and she’s become an ugly person) has been telling these wild stories about all these guys she’s been sleeping with.  Thinking about Helga’s sex life is not something I have done or plan to do, so don’t focus too much on the subject of her tales.  What irked me is that the stories are about people she’s confided in me about and who are supposedly people who are either just friends or people she finds attractive but wouldn’t dare mess with due to the fact that they are MARRIED.  Half of Helga’s “conquests” are married men.  The other half probably wouldn’t touch her with someone else’s body.  And her next targets…. I don’t even know what to say.

I don’t care what (or who) Helga does or doesn’t do, as that’s her business.  What I don’t appreciate is being told a fairy tale about her life because that’s what she thinks I want to hear or because that’s the image she wants to present to me specifically.  We’re both adults and I have a hard time comprehending this high school mentality of “people will think I’m desirable and popular if I say I slept with X, Y, and Z.”  It makes me think that nothing that comes out of Helga’s mouth is true, which is unfortunate because I’m not in a position where I can avoid her 100% and make the problem go away.

I’m not sure what people like Helga want out of life.  I don’t know how they keep their stories straight.  I don’t know who they are.  I cannot wrap my head around why a grown person who can obviously function in the real world would act like an insecure teenager when it comes to love, sex, relationships, or any other areas of life that are primarily ruled by emotions.  I’m one of the most emotionally crazy people I know and I’ve never thought to resort to telling real or imagined stories about my sexual conquests in order to impress others.  Hell, the last time I felt pressured to have sex was when I was 13, sitting around with my girl friends, trying to decide which one of us would lose our virginity first.  (Spoiler alert; it was not me)

Sex is an amazing thing.  Whether you’re happy with one partner or you’re playing around with many, sex is fantastic and I don’t judge a person based on their sexual activity.  Most of us have a phase where we bone irresponsibly, and some people never grow out of that phase.  I don’t care.  It doesn’t affect me.  Unless you’re trying to get into my husband’s pants or my own, my life is not altered by who you show your naughty bits to.  Except for the homophobic crowd and the prudes in the world, I imagine that most people think like me and simply aren’t bothered by your sexual behaviors.  There is no reason to create a fictional sex story to share with the world because, I promise you, the world doesn’t care all that much.

The thing that Helga likely isn’t taking into consideration is how her nonsense could potentially affect the people she’s flapping her jaw about.  One of the guys she’s bragging about (I’ll call him Frank, as I don’t know anyone by that name and also because I had hot dogs last night) is married with children.  If Frank’s wife gets wind of this sexual escapade with Helga, what happens?  True or not, that is pretty devastating news for a wife to hear.  Even if the story is ridiculous and unbelievable, it’s never fun for someone to hear that their partner cheated on them.  It triggers the imagination, even if only for a split second, and has the potential to deeply hurt.

Unfortunately for me, since I can’t get rid of Helga, I’m going to have to do my best to pretend she doesn’t exist and hope I can do so in a way that doesn’t make it obvious that I now find her revolting.  Unfortunately for her next targets, I don’t have a good way of warning them that doesn’t make me sound like a teenage idiot, so I just have to hope they wise up and create some distance before they become the next tall tale floating around here.  I feel somewhat naive for assuming that people like this don’t exist anymore in the late 20s, early 30s world I’m living in, but now that it’s been made painfully obvious that they’re indeed everywhere, I suppose I have to again become a little jaded and keep more people at arm’s length.  Live and learn though, right?

My High Horse

I have been called a drama queen more than once in my life.  The thing is, I’ve never been called a drama queen for engaging in behavior that is characteristic of one.  True, I do take to Twitter and this site to vent my various frustrations, both big and small, but by no means is that making a mountain out of a molehill.  I’m no social media whore, so any dramatic outbursts that may occur are confined to 140 characters and a small audience.  While I do have an opinion on everything and everyone, I’m not a gossip and it’s not in my nature to waste my time talking about others and analyzing their lives and choices in a way that is spiteful, mean-spirited, or dramatic.  The bulk of my “gossip” is what you see here; vague commentary about people without ever calling anyone out or inviting any attack of any kind on a person or group of people.

The actual drama in my life is pretty damn boring.  I stress about money, about my kid, about my job, and about other various bits of nonsense that everyone else deals with on a weekly basis.  I don’t sit around talking trash about the people in my life while thumbing through the latest issue of US Weekly and watching E! News.  I don’t share things that I’ve been told in confidence or even things that I assume the person would want kept private.  It boggles my mind why I would be called a drama queen or seen as a source of drama.  Until recently, that is.

I had an odd dream last night about someone who doesn’t feel that I’m worth talking to anymore, and as I emerged from my groggy state and hopped in the shower, it finally clicked.  Every single person who has ever called me a drama queen, both directly and indirectly, has been a person that has been offended when I’ve said something honest.  For example, I went on a mini-rant once about people who post spoilers for television shows on social media outlets, resulting in one of the worst people ever getting annoyed by my statement and reducing me to drama queen status.  I don’t feel that my actions fit the drama queen profile but because this person took my vague statement to EVERYONE who does it and made it into a personal attack, I was given the label.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that the people who think it appropriate to give me this label are also people who fit the queen profile, both males and females.  They troll Facebook looking for old friends just to talk trash about them with current friends, they get into everyone’s business so they have something to discuss later, and they automatically assume everything is all about them.  Sticking me with the label is simply a way of them making themselves feel better about their poor decisions.  If I post a blog entry about how aggressive flirtation on social media is wrong when you’re not single and it angers someone, it’s easier for them to write me off as a drama queen instead of owning up to the fact that they fit the profile I described and they are doing something wrong.

I suppose I’ve just reached a point where things are finally clear to me.  I don’t need to feel bad or guilty about anything I’ve done or said.  I have never personally attacked anyone without being directly provoked and when I do attack, it’s certainly not out in the open so I can display it to everyone.  If someone doesn’t want to associate with me because I’m vocal about my disgust for people who constantly discuss their sex lives out in the open, so be it.  I am losing nothing of value from that separation and I do not need to feel remorse about expressing my honest opinion, especially when I had the decency to keep names and specifics out of it.  I cannot be responsible for anyone being blind to their own bad behavior or the bad behavior of their loved one.  I’m done feeling like I’m in the wrong.

I’m not trying to climb on the highest horse around so I can look down on as many people as possible, I’m just at a new phase in my life.  I like to think I evolve more and more each day, and this is just one more tiny piece of my personal evolution.  I cannot be held responsibly for the opinions and behaviors of others, even when they are indirectly caused by something I said or wrote.  I refuse to bite my tongue out of fear of offending cheaters; I’m entitled to think it’s deplorable to cheat and I’m entitled to express it here, on Twitter, and in other appropriate settings.  I cannot censor myself just because a handful of people are going to think I’m being mean.

As long as things are said in the right ways and in the proper settings, there’s no reason for the speaker to feel bad about their statements and opinions.  Someone who simply disagrees should have enough maturity within them to say something to you if they feel strongly enough about it.  Those who feel guilty and become angry should direct that anger back at themselves, not at the speaker.  “Tracy is an attention seeking whore” and “There are way too many cleavage pics on my timeline; tone it down, ladies” are two very different statements.  Only one should cause you to feel that twinge of guilt and only one gives a specific person reason to call you out.  As long as I keep my statements in blanket form, I have nothing to feel bad about.  It’s a shame that certain people disappear, but can it really be called a loss if that makes me down one delusional, lying, selfish friend?

A Bit Of Promotion

My husband can do more with the English language than I could ever dream of.  I often delete blogs of my own because he beats me to the punch and posts about the subject better than I ever could.  Find him here:  http://theearthtourist.com/

Reality television generally shows us backstabbing, drama, and people being generally awful.  Ben Starr defied that on Masterchef and is one of the sweetest and most genuine people to ever grace my TV screen.  His blog is here:  http://benstarr.com/blog/

Does the thought of an angry woodchuck intrigue you?  Please check out my favorite commenter and a person wildly more intelligent than me when it comes to politics and many other things.  His blog is here: http://angrywoodchucksblog.com/

Are you a fan of horror?  Isn’t everyone?  If you’re ever curious about whether or not a film is worth checking out or you just want to see what someone else thought of a movie, go here:  http://horrorbore.com/

I just recently began following this blog because the author left a couple of comments on my page.  Very glad I chose to give it a follow.  Check out Thomas for yourself and see what you think:  http://btkh03.wordpress.com/

And finally, some self promotion.  Kind of.  Follow me on Twitter here:  http://twitter.com/_cutepoison  I’m a bit vulgar at times, so be warned.

Goodbye My Friend

“Why are you at home/Buried in your self pity?/Why do you insist on/Living the life clean out of me?/Yes, I know you’re the person/The person that took time with me/Does it give you the right to expect/Your life revolves around me?” – Jonathan Davis of Korn

 

Over the weekend, I lost a friend that I’ve known since I was 11 years old.  I moved away from where he lived when I was 16 due to my father’s job transfer, but we never lost touch.  Now, he lives one state over from me and I’m here in Indiana.  One would think that we would see each other often, but it hasn’t worked out that way.  Due to my schedule filled with kid stuff, husband stuff, work stuff, financial stuff, and now less than cheery family stuff, I haven’t had much free time.  We didn’t have plans this past weekend; I had a day’s notice that he would be in town and because I couldn’t work it out and was mentally exhausted from processing the fact that my father has cancer, I am the bad guy.

Before I had a son and was married, I was the type of person who didn’t care if anyone simply dropped by my place to say help or hang out.  I had a neighbor that would come knocking on my patio door multiple times a day to share a beer or cigarette and just hang out, sometimes inviting us across the way for some barbeque.  That relaxed attitude was left in the past as I was forced to become more responsible and be a good mother and wife for my family.  I can’t stay out too late or decide to spend the night somewhere on a whim because we have a dog at home.  I can’t hit the bar anytime I want because there are points during the month where the money must be put towards bills.  I had to grow up.

He is angry with me and I’m not trying to change that.  What irks me is that rather than confront me like someone our age should do, I just got an unfollow on Twitter followed by a vague tweet saying I was left in the past.  This was followed by his boyfriend telling me this, word for word:

“You need to grow up little girl.  He wasn’t upset because you couldn’t see him, he was upset that you didn’t have the decency to let him know.  And looking at your other Tweets I can see that you really are an immature person who is unworthy of his friendship.  Selfish people like you tend to end up alone and lonely, so good luck.  If this is how you treat your friends, good luck.  It’s going to be a long lonely road for you.  He stopped following you because of YOUR actions, now what’s happening in your family.  Stop trying to take the high horse because you are not deserving.  One final response before forgetting that you exist.  This weekend would have been on us, just wanted to see you.”

This is coming from a guy who hasn’t spoken/tweeted/emailed this many words to me since he began dating my former friend, yet somehow he knows me.  He also included one of my girl friends on his little rant, putting someone who shouldn’t be a part of this at all into the mix.  I don’t get how he thinks he has the right to speak to me this way, and I told him so in a short response before blocking him on Twitter and saving myself from more of this drivel.

I am not a selfish person.  I listened to my friend when he needed to vent, when he was doubting certain things, and when he needed an outlet.  But to say that I am immature and need to grow up because I missed a single text message on Saturday?  Because I don’t have my phone glued to my hand 24/7?  Please.  If we had made plans and I bailed, then definitely be angry with me.  If you offered to take my husband and I out on your dime and I flaked on it, be mad.  But none of those things happened.  Minimal effort was made on their part and on mine, and blame goes both ways.

As far as looking at my other tweets and judging my level of maturity, I see that as a load of garbage.  Twitter, among other things, is a place to vent frustrations.  At no point did I put his Twitter handle into the mix and act like a bitch.  The female friend I mentioned earlier asked a question and I stated that _____ and I are no longer friends, which was the extent of my name dropping.  I didn’t begin talking shit about him to her, nor did I bring his name into it at any other point.  I’m pissed and I expressed it, as is my right.  What I did was no different from his statement about leaving things in the past, so his boyfriend needs to shut up for a minute and realize how much he is speaking out of his ass.

As far as being alone and lonely due to my selfish attitude, that is another accusation without merit.  No, I don’t have dozens upon dozens of friends, but it’s by choice, not because I’m an insufferable cunt who can’t keep a friend.  I choose quality over quantity, and the people I associate with are damn good people.  My husband and I cut out friends a couple of years ago because they refused to grow up.  It unfortunately meant he lost a friend he grew up with, as well as some he met at work, but we’re better off for it; cutting out negativity is good for the soul.  We’ve also made new and fantastic friends during that time, ones who are respectful, who share similar values, and who have a direction in life.  For a lonely person, I have some amazing company.

It’s annoying that an outside party felt the need to step in and start a battle that didn’t exist before he opened his mouth and wasn’t his to begin with.  Does anyone see me turning to my husband to have him verbally eviscerate people for me?  When our former friends from work decided to be disrespectful jerks to the both of us, I confronted them alone and left my husband out of it.  He has the power to make people cry if he wishes, but I’m not a child and I don’t need his help.  This isn’t high school anymore and it’s sad that some people seem to still live in that time in their life, acting like scorned teenagers and inserting themselves into drama, trying to have a “who has the bigger dick” contest.  It’s time to grow up.

Friendships are formed and friendships end.  It’s simply life and there’s not much you can do when people need to go their separate ways.  Maybe they’ll reconnect and maybe not.  There is a proper way to handle your business though and it sure as hell didn’t happen here.  It’s a sad thing and I’m more upset about it than I’ll admit.  It’s pathetic that the boyfriend felt the need to insert himself into things and likely kill any chances of reconciliation.  It’s obnoxious that any adult thinks just cutting someone off is a proper response after 20 years, taking one event as justification for ending a friendship.  It’s a shame that I am the selfish one, not the person that expected me to drop everything and put on a happy face when I’m beyond stressed due to what has happened in the past month personally.  I’m an imperfect person, as are we all, and I make mistakes.  Should I have communicated more and paid more attention to my phone this past weekend?  Sure.  Am I a piece of shit for being distracted by shit in my life that is more important?  No.

I can give you a list of friends I don’t see as much as I used to or would like to because they are in relationships, in school, busy with work and kids, or other factors.  Do I get angry at them for that?  Hell no.  I miss them and I respect the fact that they have things in their life that come before myself and my husband.  I take what I can get from them and I appreciate the fact that we’re friends.  Friendship is about compromise.  If my family coming before anyone else makes me selfish, so be it.  If you can’t understand that I have priorities that outweigh hanging out and drinking, then I definitely see that we do not need to be friends.  I’m in a great place in my life right now and I can’t waste time on negativity, drama, and people who refuse to see that I’ve grown up and have a family that is priority one.

The Jamies Are Cursed

Do you remember the scene in Scream 2 where Jada Pinkett Smith’s character forgets to use her inside voice while in the movie theater?  Even better, what about the scene in Scary Movie 2 where Regina Hall’s character takes it to a whole other level with her loud obnoxious behavior and ends up being stabbed by just about everyone in the audience in order to get her to shut her trap.  It’s funny because it takes the typical annoying moviegoer and exaggerates the bad behavior to the point where it’s just over the top.

My husband and I have awful luck with movies, but never would I have expected to have an experience as awful as what we had Friday evening.  Along with two friends who will probably never see a movie with us again, the husband and I went to Houlihan’s for dinner and drinks before walking down to AMC to catch Paranormal Activity 3.  I was beyond excited about this movie, especially after seeing the preview that stated the last 15 minutes would mess me up for life.  The show was sold out so obviously we expected a bit of noise, but we’ve been to sold out shows before and it honestly hasn’t been too bad.  During the previews there was quite a bit of talking, but it quieted down once the movie started.  Oh wait, no it didn’t.  It got worse.  It got so bad that at one point I had my stuff in hand and was ready to walk right out of the theater, someone I’ve only done once before because I just couldn’t sit through Deuce Bigalo.

The talking went on almost nonstop; people making comments and swearing and acting as though they were watching this movie in the comfort of their living room.  This isn’t a loud action movie where some chatter is barely noticed, this is a horror flick with the majority of its scenes at a low volume.  It’s hard to be afraid of a loud bang when the audience is adding their own soundtrack of “awww shit girl, did you see that?!?”  Even more bothersome was the laughter.  I get that it’s funny sometimes when something silly makes you jump, but it’s unacceptable to carry on as if you’ve just discovered laughter.  It comes as no surprise that there were cell phones out; two ushers came in eventually after someone exited the theater to complain and told half a dozen moviegoers to put their phones away, but people who don’t care about keeping the volume down certainly don’t care if their phone is distracting you.  There were also a great number of people coming in and out of the theater throughout the whole movie.  Other than the movie I walked out of, there has never been a time where I’ve gotten up in the middle of a movie for anything; a bathroom trip can wait and I don’t need a refill on soda or popcorn bad enough to miss a scene.  Overall, the atmosphere of the theater felt more like a really dark keg party than it did an enjoyable fright fest.

All four of us received movie vouchers for a free show sometime in the next year, but in my opinion it doesn’t make up for it.  I can’t have a do-over on watching a movie for the first time and I have no doubt that when we buy Paranormal Activity 3 on DVD, we’ll see and hear a lot of things that will be totally new to us as I’m sure we missed quite a bit due to the noise and movement in the theater.  I told my husband on the drive home that they should do more to shut people up and keep them from acting like morons.  Flashed on the screen for a few moments before a movie is a little warning about cell phones and talking, a reminder to keep it down and behave.  No one listens to it.  The two ushers coming into the theater did result in a drop in volume, but it was brief because the audience realized that these people weren’t going to do anything but whisper to a few people to put their phones away.  The audience acted the way they did because they’re low-class and allowed to act that way.  It’s easier to give out vouchers when people get upset than it is to control a bunch of idiots.  There is no fear of being thrown out of a theater.  There isn’t any risk of getting in trouble.  Acting like an ass is perfectly fine because no one does a thing to stop it.

My husband said that the ushers really did everything they could do and they couldn’t take on a mob of morons themselves without the risk of physical harm or even more noise and disruption.  But come on, AMC, the little theater in our town has a cop there every single night, their car parked right outside the exit doors as they stand cross-armed in the middle of the theater.  If they can swing it, why can’t you?  Some kind of security there would be a great deterrent to people who think they can act like an ass without consequence.  I guarantee that if a cop came into the theater that night and picked one idiot out of the many to escort from the theater, it would have put the fear in the rest of the idiots and they would have toned it down.  Actions speak volumes; a warning on the screen prior to the movie means nothing if you can’t back it up.

I’m not going to argue my husband’s point that there was nothing they could do because I already talked his ear off about it on the drive home that night and it’s going to have to be one of those agree to disagree things with he and I.  He was right though that in our case on Friday, there wasn’t anything more they could have done.  I would just like that to change.  I’d be all for paying a couple of dollars extra to see a movie where the audience is 21 and over and there is a stipulation that in this particular showing, you must shut the hell up, keep your phone away and keep your ass in your seat.  I would rock my Skull Candy ear buds in every movie if there was a plug in the armrest that would broadcast the movie sound right into my ears, effectively reducing the noise around me.  I’d happily drop $50 to watch a movie at home on the same night it hits theaters; we usually spend close to that at AMC with tickets ($20) and snacks ($20  -$25) and you really can’t beat the comfort of our couch and our HD flatscreen.  I’m just not willing to sit back and accept the fact that people will talk and text and laugh and disrupt the audience and there’s nothing that can be done to stop it.

I’m not certain when it became acceptable to be rude and act like an ass, but I’ve noticed that as the years go by, people’s behavior becomes more and more horrendous and unpleasant.  Finding someone with manners has become a shock to me; I’m always amazed when the chick at the drive-thru says “you’re welcome” or someone at the grocery store says “excuse me” instead of wordlessly pushing past me.  I appreciate when people compliment my son’s manners, but in all honesty he’s not doing anything above and beyond, he’s just simply being polite.  Unfortunately, society has been flooded with an abundance of bad behavior that makes the people who know how to act look like the odd ones out.  Imagine a non-smoking concert that has numerous concert goers that smoke.  It only takes one person to break the rules and light up before a person or two around him does the same.  More people see it and even though it’s wrong, they do it because other people are so they won’t be alone.  Pretty soon every smoker in there is lighting up, even though it’s not allowed, and all the non-smokers who expected clean air have to suffer.  The same thing happens with bad behavior; if it’s not stopped it just spreads until every low-class person around is doing it.

My husband and I won’t be returning to AMC for quite some time; I have zero excitement about using our vouchers for a free movie and I’m glad we have a year to use them because I have no desire to go back to that place.  I’m happy sticking with our little theater in town; it doesn’t have the do-it-yourself popcorn but it also doesn’t have people who make Scary Movie’s Regina Hall look tame by comparison.  It’s just pathetic that I have to avoid a theater that I enjoy because I’m outnumbered by people who shouldn’t be allowed in public without a muzzle and shock collar.