Hell In A Cell. Kind Of.

Hell In A Cell aired last night, WWE’s second Pay Per View of the month of October.  After two previous lackluster events, I had high hopes for this PPV and expected to be blown away.  WWE owed the fans that much after giving us two of the worst PPV events that I’ve ever seen.  The scheduled preshow was going to be Big E Langston against Curtis Axel for the Intercontinental Championship, but was changed due to an injury suffered by Axel; unsure if this is legit or storyline.  Instead, we got Damien Sandow versus Kofi Kingston.  The match was about ten minutes long and was pretty solid, giving fans high hopes for a great PPV.  Sandow won over Kofi and made me expect to see him cash in his Money In The Bank contract later on in the night.  (All photos are courtesy of Bleacher Report)

The PPV began with a triple threat match for the Tag Team Championship.  Reigning champs Cody Rhodes and Goldust went up against The Usos and two members of the Shield, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins.  As a triple threat match, I had expected to see three men in the ring at all times.  Instead, it was one on one with competitors able to tag in members of other teams if they so chose.  I was let down by that, but the six men put on a hell of a show.  I was jumping off the couch at some points when it looked like the Shield and the Usos were close to victory.  At the end, Cody hit Rollins with a beautiful Cross Rhodes and scored a victory.  This was without a doubt my favorite match of the evening.

Next up, The Miz came out to run a promo regarding the attack on him by the Wyatt Family.  Miz dared Bray Wyatt to come at him and Wyatt responded by sending Luke Harper and Eric Rowan out into the ring.  I was a bit confused as to why this made the PPV until Kane’s music hit, fire flared, and the big red monster made his return.  Kane threw the two Wyatt family giants out of the ring to save Miz, but then surprised Miz with a chokeslam.  Kane is back with a vengeance and it seems that he is returning to his heel status.  Very happy to see him back.

Following Kane’s return, we get a tag team match between The Great Khali and Natalya versus Fandango and Summer Rae.  On a PPV.  Fantastic.  This match belongs on Smackdown, or as a preshow match; it is ridiculous to put this on a PPV, although it is great for Summer to have her in-ring debut on Hell In A Cell.  Other than the silver lining for Summer, this match was garbage.  Natalya was the only redeeming part of this, as she is an incredible talent and put Summer through the ringer.  However, in spite of her efforts, the scrawny Summer pinned her for the win.  What.  A.  Waste.  I’m incredibly tired of seeing these kind of matches, where a tiny girl does the impossible for a win.  It takes credibility out of an already weak Diva’s division.

After that nonsense match, Big E Langston got a match against United States Champion Dean Ambrose in a championship match.  This was a pretty solid match and I’m really starting to get behind Big E.  The competitors got very physical and Big E suffered a cut underneath his eye.  Ambrose definitely made him work during this match, but it was clear that there was no way he could cleanly defeat the big man.  Unfortunately, in what is becoming a typical Shield move, Ambrose allowed himself to be counted out and Big E picked up the victory, but not the title.  I would like to see this revisited and have Big E get a second swing at the title.  He’d make a great champ, especially with his recent face turn, and it’s high time that Ambrose drops the title to someone else.

Finally, it is time for our first Hell In A Cell match; CM Punk versus Ryback and Paul Heyman.  Heyman was carried to the ring on a left, driven by someone who must have never driven a left in his life.  Heyman was placed on top of the cell, making the handicap match into a one on one between Ryback and Punk.  The match started out strong, but quickly became very tedious and almost boring, which is unusual for a match involving Punk.  We had tables, we had kendo sticks, and we had an abrupt ending with Punk picking up the victory.  Punk then got on top of the cage to seek revenge on Heyman.  My husband and I were waiting for Heyman to be slammed through the cage (wishful thinking), but it was a solid beat down even without that little extra.  Overall, it was weak and very disappointing.

Next up we have Los Matadores versus The Real Americans; Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro with Zeb Colter.  The second match in the PPV that belonged on Raw, Smackdown, or in the preshow.  The Matadores and their little Torito are a cute gimmick, but I hardly see how they are PPV worthy.  I found it very difficult to get into this match at all because I was so annoyed that creative decided to put this in the PPV.  The Matadores picked up a win and no one really cared either way.  I’m glad that Primo and Epico have found success in their new bullfighting characters, but this was just a silly match to have.  No one cares about this rivalry and the most interesting thing is seeing how racist Colter can get.  At least the Matadores finally got rid of those horrible bright pink masks.

Following the bullfighters, we have the return of John Cena in a match against Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship.  To borrow words from my husband, these are the two most boring people in the WWE right now.  Del Rio’s character has become stale and Cena is… well, it’s Cena.  This match was exactly what you would expect; Del Rio attacked Cena’s recently healed arm and Cena did the five moves of doom while acting like a child.  And yes, Cena won and got the title, because the WWE loves to hand things over to their golden boy.  I expected Cena to win, but I had hoped that Sandow would swoop in on an exhausted Cena and steal the title from him.  Of course, that did not happen.

After Cena cleared out, AJ Lee arrived to defend her title against Brie Bella.  I adore AJ and I love that she is now paired with the powerhouse Tamina Snuka.  It was clear that Brie didn’t have a chance in this match, but it was still fun to watch.  With both Tamina and Nikki ringside, there was a lot going on and quite a few distractions for the competitors.  Brie dominated early on, but having to keep an eye on Tamina proved to be her downfall.  She attempted to attack her but ended up hitting her sister instead, allowing AJ to get her in the Black Widow submission and forcing a tap.  AJ has proven to be unstoppable as of late and I’m eager to see who she goes up against next, as the feud with Brie should end now.

The final match is our second Hell In A Cell match between Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.  The title has belonged to no one because of very questionable creative choices.  Triple H wants Orton as champ, the fans want Bryan.  With Shawn Michaels as special guest referee, it’s hard to tell how this match will go.  The pair got very physical, using the cage to their advantage and pushing each other to their limits.  Triple H made an appearance to argue the Heartbreak Kid’s techniques, possibly because he feared that HBK would favor Bryan.  This resulted in Michaels accidentally getting knocked out by the competitors as he was distracted.  When HBK came to, he hit Bryan with Sweet Chin Music and basically handed the title back to Orton.  Yes it was a good match, but they failed with the ending.  When the fans know what is coming weeks before it happens, you have failed.

I haven’t a clue what WWE creative is thinking right now, or if they’re thinking at all.  This PPV should have been about redemption and should have been phenomenal to make up for two very lackluster PPVs previously.  It wasn’t.  Cody Rhodes and Goldust were once again the only redeeming part of a very expensive three hour event.  I could not be more annoyed with Cena and Orton winning the titles; we saw this coming from miles away and we all know that there were better ways to do this.  Stale doesn’t being to describe what the WWE has become, and it boggles my mind that they aren’t even trying to fix things anymore.  I hope tonight’s Raw does something dramatic to put a positive spin on last night’s disastrous PPV, but given what has been going on lately, I am a fan without hope.

The Main Event: WRESTLEMANIA 28

April 1, 2012, Wrestlemania 28, the main event live on Pay Per View was finally here!  My husband and I made the purchase and set the show to record just in case, watching 50/50 and anxiously waiting for our clocks to hit 7pm and the show to begin.  It’s been hyped up like crazy, adding more matches and controversy on each Raw and Smackdown throughout the week.  I wish we could have been there, but being able to watch live is definitely the next best thing to it.

The first match of the night was between Daniel Bryan and Sheamus for the World Heavyweight Championship.  Bryan stole that title from The Big Show after he had it for maybe 30 seconds.  As Bryan entered the ring and proceeded to yell YES about 50 times, he paused to give his girlfriend, AJ, a kiss.  As he turned back to face Sheamus, he received a boot to the face, went down, and was counted out.  The match lasted 18 seconds and Sheamus walked away the new Heavyweight Champion.  YES!  YES!  YES!

Up next was Kane and Randy Orton.  For some reason, Kane decided to start a feud with Orton.  Not sure why, possibly out of boredom, maybe he was feeling lonely, but the two have been going at it since Orton returned from his injury.  Kane started out strong, pinning Orton a dozen times to the two count.  Orton eventually began to retaliate and it was looking good for him, but Kane delivered a powerful choke slam from the top rope and the poor Apex Predator was down.

The Big Show versus Cody Rhodes was also hyped up quite a bit in the weeks prior to Wrestlemania and I was really looking forward to it.  Rhodes had been mocking Show, mainly because he has never had a victory at any Wrestlemania.  Rhodes is my favorite heel; he’s amazingly good at being hateful without being obnoxious and making you actually hate him.  The match began with Show throwing Rhodes around the ring like a rag doll; I started to feel bad for Rhodes for taking such a beating.  Rhodes finally got the upper hand after knocking Show to the ground, starting to work on his leg and take the big man out.  Sadly for him it wasn’t enough; Show knocked him out and won the Intercontinental Championship!

Finally, it was time for Hell In A Cell; Triple H versus The Undertaker, the end of an era.  I was worried about this match because there’s no good outcome.  If Triple H wins, we’ll continue to see him in the ring which is great, but it means the Undertaker ends his career with a 19-1 streak at Wrestlemania instead of 20-0.  If Undertaker wins, his streak finishes strong, but he also finishes Triple H.  This match spanned nearly an hour and was as brutal as you can imagine; both men were bloody and the Undertaker’s back was badly bruised from a severe beating with a metal chair.  Shawn Michaels, the guest referee, looked as if he was about to cry near the end of the match, watching his friend suffer as both competitors struggled to finish the other one.  My heart jumped at least half a dozen times when it looked like one would be counted out, only to see them roll their shoulder up just in time.  It was honestly hard to watch at some points.  Undertaker managed to find the will and energy to finish Triple H, stretching his streak to 20-0 and was able to walk out of the ring this time around, unlike last year when he couldn’t stand.  Triple H, however, couldn’t get up.  Michaels and Undertaker stood on either side of him, lifted him up, and all three walked out of the arena together.  It was an amazing end.

At some point there was a Diva’s match.  Beth Phoenix and Eve versus Kelly Kelly and a freaking talk show host, Maria Menounos.  It was idiotic and insulting to someone like Phoenix, who is built the way a wrestler should be, to have to go up against these two little twigs.  She was also the only competitor in that match that didn’t do some lame booty shake as one of her moves.  It’s not a stripping competition people, come on now.  The match ended with something that would never happen in the real world; teeny Maria pinning Phoenix.  Really?  REALLY?

Anyway, back to the real events:  Team Johnny versus Team Teddy was up next, the winning team would determine the new general manager for both Raw and Smackdown.  Team Johnny consisted of my favorite, Mark Henry, and 5 other guys I can’t stand, including Dolph Ziggler and the shaved gorilla Jack Swagger.  I was pulling for Team Teddy and their captain, Santino.  The tag team match had competitors quickly entering and leaving the ring, very high energy.  Finally, Team Teddy knocked most of Team Johnny to the ground outside of the ring and Zack Ryder of Team Teddy was close to victory but stopped to do his Woo Woo Woo with hoeski, Eve.  The Miz took advantage of the distraction and won the match for Team Johnny.  It was a let down for sure, but my husband says it makes business sense.  I still don’t like it.

The match I probably cared the least about, other than the divas, was next; CM Punk against Chris Jericho and his lite brite jacket.  Jericho had been attacking Punk’s family for weeks, saying his sister is a drug addict and his father a drunk, that Punk is a bastard because he was conceived out of wedlock.  It was a set of arguments you would expect from a group of 5th graders out on the playground.  A rule was set that if CM Punk was disqualified, he would lose his title to Jericho, so naturally the taunts got worse.  Jericho started out dominant, but Punk gained the upper hand and Jericho was forced to tap out.  I was glad he won only because Jericho annoys the hell out of me.

Then this happened:

Finally, The Rock has come back to Wrestlemania!  The once in a lifetime match between two of the most charismatic men in the business.  After their tag team match against The Miz and R-Truth, the tension has been rising and the feud between these two Superstars has been heating up.  Cena mocked The Rock for leaving the WWE to become a movie star, Rock called Cena a bowl of fruity pebbles, which resulted in him ended up on a box of cereal.  The Rock won the war of words many times over but the feud continued strong in preparation for Wrestlemania.  The match was very 50/50; one would gain the upper hand but the other would soon turn it around.  This was the match that Cena said he couldn’t lose, as once it’s over, he’ll still be here and he’ll lost credibility with a loss.  The Rock also couldn’t lose; how can he come back and say things haven’t changed and then choke at Wrestlemania?  There was so much riding on each of their shoulders, both determined to pull a victory out and show the world that all their words have been truthful.  Unfortunately for Cena, he was wrestling The Rock.  When The Rock wants something, it’s his, and this match was his with an amazing victory to end the night.

This was actually my first Wrestlemania and I loved it.  I’m planning to get there next year, somehow, because I want to be a part of the excitement first hand.  We’ll be saving this on our DVR for quite a while.  On a sidenote, the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards aired on March 31st and at the end, Santino referees a match between The Big Show and The Miz.  Check it out if you get a chance.